Poor Jack Wilshere

Poor Jack Wilshere. I bet he wishes he'd never got out of bed on Tuesday morning. He probably did so with a carefully memorised list of answers to the inevitable smoking-related questions he was due to be asked that day, during his now infamous England press conference. Indeed, that was probably the main reason he'd been chosen to face the gathered hordes of journalists, the media gurus at the FA seizing the opportunity for him to clear the air, so to speak, and offer a more credible explanation to the nation than the smoke and mirrors offered by his 'representative' the previous week.

Poor Jack Wilshere. He had, no doubt, been prepared for the good humoured baying of a pack of hyenas, only to find himself emerging, a few minutes later, having been viciously ravaged by a pride of lions.

Yes, poor Jack Wilshere, who, in a blisteringly short space of time, has gone from being heralded as England's saviour and future captain-elect to, in some quarters at least (i.e. Twitter ) a full-blown xenophobic, right-wing, Hitler youth-type racist.

What wretched timing for poor Jack, too, his quotes coming, as they did, barely twenty four hours after EDL co-founder, leader and poster boy, Tommy Robinson, had managed to, once again, shoehorn his way into the headlines by falling on his flick-knife, renouncing far right extremism, and quitting, in order to pursue a new career writing Richard Curtis-esque romantic comedies starring Hugh Grant. Or something like that.

Set in this context, poor Jack's quotes about 'keeping England for the English' and what-not, seemed doubly controversial, and invited the wrath of the blood-thirsty press, not to mention those typically frenzied Twitter-folk.

Speaking of Twitter, poor Jack even attempted to clarify his remarks, via that medium, the following day, by essentially repeating himself almost word for word, thus clarifying nothing, while pointing accusatory fingers at those pesky journalists who had cunningly tricked him into it.

Is Jack Wilshere racist? Probably not. Is Jack Wilshere a young chap, cocooned from the real world, who simply struggled to get his point across about a troublesome issue when asked about it out of the blue, in the glare of the cameras? Probably.

The thing is, we always need something to talk about in the run-up to an England match, because England matches, and all that goes with them, are so terribly, terribly dull. If it hadn't been Jack, it would have been one of his teammates, or his manager. We would have spent the week inserting amusing captions on photos of Wayne Rooney's latest hair transplant, or heartlessly abusing Roy Hodgson for having a barely perceptible speech impediment. It just happened to be poor Jack's turn this time.

International breaks have become a hideously tedious chore to be endured, but not enjoyed. Much of the nation fell out of love with international football long ago. Seeing a player of Paul Scholes' genius labouring on the left wing, in order to squeeze the square pegs of Gerrard and Lampard into the round hole of an effective central midfield partnership, or a man of John Terry's highly questionable moral fibre, the captain's armband squeezing his bicep, barking orders from the back, put pay to most people's patriotism long ago. 

England matches, themselves, have become so miserably mundane that you find yourself vividly imagining gruesome ways to murder the England band, or scribbling heartfelt, pleading letters to TV companies like Sky and Virgin, begging them to invent a fast forward option to go with their pause and record services, in a desperate attempt to take your mind off the drab spectacle being played out on your screen.

Whether you agree with Jack Wilshere's opinion on the likes of Adnan Januzaj being courted by the English FA or not, at least he had the good grace to step up and offer us all something to talk about, other than what form of 4-4-2 England will adopt against our great rivals, Montenegro, on Friday evening, or whether and why good old, dependable work-horses like James Milner will be preferred to exciting young whips like Wilfried Zaha.

The most exciting thing about England matches, these days, is the opportunity to watch Roy Keane silently seething when one of his ITV colleagues has the audacity to disagree with his views, knowing he'd give anything to square up to them, as in days of yore, all bursting veins and bulging eyes, rather than sit, quietly biting his tongue and gripping his chair in white-knuckled frustration.

Good boy, Jack, and thanks. Now, who's up next? I wonder what James Milner's views are on American foreign policy and the War on Terror...